1) I can continue to mush on and publish a *limited* number of novels for as long as the Salvation Army money holds out for the next few years or
2) I can publish just this one novel and call it quits soon after and move onto something else because of economics and a lack of a road towards self-sustainability and plausible income.
I didn’t give this much thought before–because for the past 20 years I’ve just been writing, working, writing, living and so on–but today I spent many hours in deep thought and personal reflection over the impossible barriers that I cannot overcome now, either in the near term, or in the future.
I had such high hopes of being able to reach out to a myriad of people with both my works and my words, but sadly…that has not come to pass.
So as I see it, my future as a sustainable writer and author is inconsolable. I thought I would be spending my remaining years doing what I love the most.
But without a platform, without a foundation, I simply don’t see a satisfying ending to my current pursuits of being a productive writer.
Of course, people would say that giving up is too easy and that I should persevere, but I’ve been doing so much persevering lately, I never stopped to think once about throwing in the towel and quitting completely.
I just thought my time would eventually come. But unfortunately–as the years have gone by–that time hasn’t even begun to arrive.
My situation is bleak, no finances or a job to speak of, no future either. And you may not believe this, but I’ll probably end up as just another statistic in the long run.
But the truth is, I don’t see a way out of my predicament. I can’t compete with the online community in any way, shape or form. I can’t even advertise one bloody book because I’ve been priced out of the market.
I wish I could say that “word of mouth” will get me somewhere, that hard work will get me somewhere, but both mantras are just every bit as naive and stupid as the day they were uttered by people who have never spent one day walking in the shoes of people like me who will never get out of the cycle they are presently in no matter what.
And as I’ve told one fan of mine, the books that she loved reading on Watt Pad will most likely never be published unless current circumstances change.
And I honestly don’t see them changing.
So I’ll finish this one novel and publish it, but as I’ve stated, I’m not holding out on any hopes of it doing anything. Not without a strong coming out party or serious interest from the online community.
But without any advertising dollars to be had, I’m not going to make much headway in garnering sales.
I wish I could say that things don’t matter so long as you have a good book in tow, but the truth is…I’m growing tired of this game.
I think after almost 30 years of writing, it’s time for me to retire and enjoy life while I still can. Cut my losses and move on.
There’s still some things I like doing and can do that doesn’t require the adulation of the online community. Perhaps some time away from everything will be beneficial.
Or maybe, this book of mine will be my final swan song and this is the last you’ll hear from me for a good long time.
But I just don’t see anything positive coming out of this venture of mine. Not since I found out the difficult and painful truth about getting published and getting the word out.
So peace out and many thanks from my side of the pond. It was a fun ride while it lasted. Time to move on and start something else.